LAUGHING AND CHEWING ERASERS

The past few weeks have turned me around. I've been working on applications to residencies - a lot of them. It is hard to spend $750 on applications knowing there is a chance you won't get accepted to any, but it's a lesson in courage and faith. Every essay I write, I believe in myself more and more. I am becoming more articulate about my work. Being able to verbalize exactly why I do what I do will never be easy, but I'm growing. And with each step I feel a little bit of forward motion. It's just enough to keep me going.

I haven't been making a lot, which is hard for me. This is a season to reflect on what I've made. Aside from writing a lot about my work, I am also starting to prepare for my first solo show. Monk and I started taking apart my window pieces today and have begun building box frames for them. It is quite a process. It's the kind of work that yields so much reward, you barely feel that you've worked at all. I feel like a mom watching my kids graduate or something.

Winter has been really hard this year. Dark, gray skies greet me in the morning when I wake and taunt me in the evening when my workday ends. Work feels endless and mostly pointless. I feel trapped in a day job I never wanted, but that I'm good at. I realized the other day that I've worked as an optician for 9 years. Its been good to me - there's nothing to complain about. I just know it is time to move forward. These last few weeks have given me hope that I have somewhere to go. I believe in myself again, and I'm excited to make new work. I'm thrilled to be having a show. I'm hopeful that I'll get accepted into a residency program. My work is being published in a book! (More details on that in a later post....)  The book project has been especially encouraging because of the other artists. I've expanded my network of colleagues and am being exposed to amazing work by 50 fantastic artists from around the world. I've been criticized for my use of Facebook, but it has allowed me to have this awesome opportunity. It is one of many resources that I am grateful for and that admittedly I sometimes abuse.

My goals for the coming months are many, and this is how I know the dark winter is coming to a close. I feel full of life and love and opportunity and ideas. I can feel something pushing me forward from within.