on my way home // i thought of many things

i know its been a long time since my last blog post. new york wasn't entirely kind to me, although i've learned a great deal from the experience. all of that will come out naturally, in time. for now, though, i'm back to blogging from the 'burgh for awhile. it's good to be home among friends and family and love. looking forward to getting back to the blog as well, there are so many beautiful things to share - it's hard to know where to begin after 4 months. in any case, look out. i'm back.

the above shot is one of the new pieces i made in new york. my work is going through some changes, becoming more 3 dimensional, etc. i was experimenting a lot in NY with new techniques i learned and i was fortunate enough to get to see some really mind-blowing art while i was there. it really made me hungry for more in my own work. isidro urged me to move toward sculpture. i'm starting work on a new portrait/collage/sculpture series. doing some costume design and set building for these, VERY exciting.

lots of new stuff! this is just a hello, i'm back!

TROKTUNES

Really great music in my life lately, just wanted to share! Here are some spring favorites so far:

Toro y Moi - (via Chris Haynes - he writes for these folks ) awesome electronic / indie pop. this dude is really cool. the videos are great, too. its like FlyLo meets animal collective or something. Listen. I'm positive you'll love it.

The long anticipated Jónsi (lead singer from Sigur Ros solo project) full length release. I really have no words for how beautiful and uplifting this music is.

Also via Chaynes, Pantha du Prince .... Black Noise. Really beautiful ambient/house/electronic stuff. The Animal Collective dude Noah Lennox sings on one of the tracks. Pitchfork dissed it (this track), but I like it. So there.

From Ekofield, holler at your hometown producers' new raw studio mix, Krunkett kroquette. Can't say enough good about this one....fresh improv collab. :-)

Four Tet has a new one, its great. Also loving The xx. They are young and passionate and have sexy voices.

The Trok Travels!

 - photo courtesy of Laura Phillips - my boo for life and photographer-ess extraordinaire -

Looking out the window, I think of many things.

I think about me, a month ago. Me - staring out the window, watching the snow. Waiting for something, anything to change. Watching the sky remain dark and my days remain long. Incubating. Hibernating. Waiting.

I think about easing into adulthood. I learned this year that everything isn't always going to be epic. I also learned that sometimes it will be, and these moments are meant to be enjoyed, cherished, and anticipated.

For the past seven years, I've been working as an optician. I have learned a lot from this funny side profession. I've learned to deal with crazy people, even to love them. I've learned to pay careful attention to detail, to make people happy, to make them feel special. But more than all of that, I've learned to see the world through wiser eyes. I've learned to ask questions, I've heard all of the joys and the tragedies of the lives of the people I have met. I love the old people the most. Especially the ones who have continually kept themselves ripe for change, who accept the suffering that life gives in exchange for the great gift of living life to it's fullest. Every day I meet people - some who are free, some who aren't. I've taken from my conversations with my patients a great deal more than I could have ever anticipated. I hold their stories and adventures and misfortunes close to my heart as I enter into a new chapter of my work-life. I realize that I'll miss it a little. For as much crazy as there is, there is love.

Suddenly I find myself ready to embark on a completely new and foreign experience. I cannot see ahead of me, and that is definitely scary. My fear and joy battle within me as the clock winds down to next Saturday, when I leave for Brooklyn. I fear failure, I anticipate great things. I am sad to leave the comfort of the life I have built for myself here, but remember looking out the window, always looking for a bigger view. I remember the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club song that asks, "Do you fear // nothing will take you as far as you'll go"? Somehow I know this is right for me, amidst the anxiety. I look for courage in the refrigerator in the morning and for peace under my pillow when I go to sleep. And I wait patiently to see it clearly. 

I have the coolest opportunity to work for this amazing artist, Isidro Blasco. His work is incredible, he combines collage and photography and sculpture and architecture and creates works that allow you to see into the feeling of a place. When I look at his work, I know I am seeing a place from multiple viewpoints, but I feel as if I am moving through it, learning it, and knowing it. Check it out. He is just fantastic! I feel so lucky to have the chance to assist him with his work, while living in New York, sharing a studio space, and learning, always learning.  Its like nothing I've ever done, and if you know me, you know it is basically a dream being fulfilled. (If you're planning a trip to the ciy, please do call me. I'll need some familiar faces.)

TROKBLOG is a great way to keep up with me there, and I'll be focusing on the blog a lot more once I get there. All this personal stuff aside, expect photos of the work I am doing, shows I am getting to see, and much much more. Finishing up some loose ends here, so this may be my last Pittsburgh post. Thanks to everyone who is rooting for me, my friends here are the best anyone could hope for.

Troklove.

jónsi EP!

new jonsi EP !!

trokcessories!

new jewelry in the works. here are some beginning shots of the new earring line. vinyl on spectacle lenses. irregular matching. fine line work. wear my art! collage lens work to come. happy to customize as well. holler. also coming soon - belt buckles. pins. mobiles.

email me for details!

the beauty of destruction

Being faced with inevitable destruction is a painful and fantastic experience. Confronted with the pain of loss, I think we often find ourselves brooding over what has been taken from us. We feel entitled to the things we have grown accustomed to, especially the things our hands have helped to create. When things, people, and places are taken from us, a void grows. It calls to mind the Taoist teachings of the "fertile void" (the creativity of the self in which all exists in a ceaseless motion of formless form) (Lao Tzu). Of course this void gives way to growth. It is redemption, in Christianity, death giving life. Jesus tells us to die to our selves that we might live. Loss breeds a kind of selflessness. It reminds us that we too are temporary as we exist here on this earth, and that time is a constant flux of death and rebirth. It is humbling, and empowering.

A few days ago, the cat i am fostering for some friends destroyed a piece of my art that was very important to me. More than that, Kali Ma is the goddess of destruction. I learned so much from creating this specific piece of art. I felt steeped in death as I was making it, calling to mind the losses I have experienced, global loss, and my own fears concerning mortality. Throughout the work, my attitude toward destruction continued to change and grow. I wanted my Kali to represent all of this. I wanted to evoke the fear and awe of the forces of destruction and death. Insomuch as Kali is death, she is life. She perplexed me, fascinated me, hypnotized me, and taught me. The moment I felt it was finished, I had a sort of mini satorsis, the kind of transcendence I continue to hope my work will bring forth. It was beautiful.

I am glad for those of you who got the opportunity to see Kali before curiosity took its toll. I relish in the irony and the story of her death. After thinking about it for a few days, I see already how the creation of this particular work of art prepared me to lose it. And that is beautiful, like natural disaster, or like nuclear bombs. I don't claim to understand anything about what happened, but I am beginning to feel a certain kind of freedom as a direct result of this loss. Its hard to explain. But letting go, accepting, and finding pleasure and beauty in the ephemeral only drives me toward what I believe to be the eternal. I'm not sure what that is. But I can feel it here, among the ruins of Kali.

kathy's song. kathy's song.